mineo.

[enfangs]

Comments

[enfangs]

Yeah, but they don't mean it, so what's the point?

[sengokus]

They probably mean it more than you think.

[or at least - he's assuming?]

You kind of just assume you're unpopular when I'm pretty sure it's the opposite....

[enfangs]

[he just gives mineo a dead look because people normally make fun of him SO MUCH]

[sengokus]

[there's just a little bit of a laugh at that]

I know that it can come off harsh and it's not fun when it's happening but...

I think it's a lot easier to ignore people you completely hate. So if someone gives you a little grief or teases you, or even if they're harsh on you -

That's still someone showing they care. Or maybe that's just how I have to see it...

[because a lot of people are mean to him,]

[enfangs]

... Think you and I might be coming from different experiences here—but whatever. I don't really care what people think of me, at this point.

[sengokus]

I think we are too...

But at least here - that's the impression I get, when people tease you. I don't think anyone actually dislikes you. Takeru aside but don't take it personally, he hates everyone.

[enfangs]

It's not that, it's that they're full of bullshit this week so it doesn't exactly feel good. Sheila's constantly on my case for my temper—you really think she meant it when she suddenly declared today that I have a "lovely personality"?

[sengokus]

[he tilts his head at that]

I mean... both things can be true, right...

[enfangs]

I think... [be nice be nice] ... you're inclined to see the better side of things.

[sengokus]

... maybe...

I just think you're good the way you are - and you do have a temper. So like... you know. Both.

[he wouldn't use the word "lovely personality" because that's not in his general vocabulary but. the sentiment hopefully carries]

[enfangs]

That's because you're... you.

[sengokus]

[ . . . ]

Y-Yeah?

Who else would I be? I guess I'm not Molly....

[enfangs]

You're, uh... particularly tolerant of certain things.

[sengokus]

[ . . . well that manages to get him to sit up a little from where he's lounging, glancing over at white]

.... I guess it comes off that way, huh?

[enfangs]

[...

he sits up as well.]

All right, what are you thinking?

[sengokus]

[ . . . . well.]

I'm going to be honest, I'm probably overthinking stuff again.

[enfangs]

Probably, but whatever, let's hear it.

[sengokus]

[he snorts faintly at that but he'll get up as he explains]

.... I need to catch some murderers. People who've hurt others, and I don't know what I'll do with them after. One of them I might be so angry at that I want to kill them - I won't know until I meet them. I can't pretend the idea hasn't crossed my mind.

But you and Endorsi both - sorry - say stuff like that to me. That I'm a pushover, I'm extra tolerant, and stuff... but I think it just feels like hypocrisy. You've hurt people but...

[he wanders over to white then and offers a hand out to help him get up]

I don't know if I've decided that I don't care, or if I like you more than I can judge you.

It just feels weird sometimes to think about.

[enfangs]

... Well, that stuff's complicated. And everyone's a little bit of a hypocrite, honestly. It's part of being human.

[he takes mineo's hand.]

Depends on what you think the point of "judgment" should be, I guess.

[he can't say he's never thought about it, back when he wondered why lessa saved him and left most of the other demans to die.]

[sengokus]

[ . . . . he pulls white to his feet and just laughs a little bit of the question.]

... I don't know. But I've also never had to think about whether I'm even worthy to judge other people. I don't think I am.

[he doesn't think he has any room to talk, when he himself has been judged as evil and some days he can't shake the idea that he might be.]

I know that I need to move forward, and I can't really be stuck anywhere... but I think about it a lot.

[enfangs]

[... in moments like these, mineo really does remind him of the conversations he's had with lessa.

he's quiet for a bit, shuffling his weight between his feet.]

The murderers you want to catch—you think they'll kill again?

[sengokus]

[mineo will at least incline his head to indicate that he's headed out of the gym - time to get that ice]

Yeah.

They'll hurt a lot of people if I don't catch them. They want to change what the entire country looks like.

[enfangs]

[he follows him, glad that he has an excuse not to look at mineo as he talks.]

When the war came to an end, and Lord Lessa saved me and left most of the others to die, I didn't know why, at first. Especially since he almost executed me later anyway, when he thought I was about to kill some humans.

[...]

It took a while before I got why. [why lessa saved him, that is.] With Ares gone and our era at an end, there was no point in killing anymore. I managed to understand that and move on, and not everyone did or would've.

[also the part where becoming a deman had never really been white's choice! but anyway

mineo wasn't exactly right when he said he felt like white didn't enjoy killing. because he did, when it made him feel strong; better than a piece of trash underneath people's feet.

but he wasn't necessarily wrong, either.

which is to say, this is white unfortunately having to admit that maybe he's not a (completely) shitty person, hence why he sounds kind of awkward while saying all this.]

... If that helps at all. I dunno if that made sense.

[sengokus]

[ . . . . he listens closely at that, expression turning thoughtful. is that the difference? the ability for people to learn, and improve, and not want to hurt people anymore? to know that at their core that they are not evil?

but what then - about every person that mineo wants to save? where does he draw the line? is that something he can even confidently draw the line about? he's not sure

he fumbles a little bit with his answer, but he can't deny that there is a bit more clarity here]

.... it helps.

I think I still have to come to some of my own answers and wrestle with them but... it helps.

[enfangs]

[cool, white is walking faster now because he had his moment of emotional vulnerability and now he would like to pretend it never happened.]

And this is why having a dysfunctional moral compass is so much easier! But good luck with that shit and all.