[ . . . . there is a beat of exhaustion at that. and the smallest, tiniest spark of gratitude, though it has a hard time competing against the rest of what mineo's feeling.]
... have you considered that I wouldn't want that?
[ . . . . there's a pause, brief, before he reaches out to place a hand on white's shoulder]
.... I'm going to live. I'm okay, and I'm right here. You don't need to be concerned about that.
[ . . . . ]
Let's make sure it doesn't happen. But... I know how hard it can be to control your feelings after losing someone you care about. I just... thought I'd say something.
[he's afraid. he can't not be. it's the same feeling he had, weeks ago, when he was cursed and made to live out a happiness that turned out to be false—that these things never last for long.
... then again, maybe he has nothing to fear. after all, even if he and mineo survive to the end, that'll still be it for the both of them, as dead men walking. in that regard, white already knows that this will all disappear sooner or later.
he stares down at his bowl.]
... Mm-hmm.
[a note of apology, because while he doesn't say that he would actually stand down if mineo truly asked him to, this is one area where he's more willing to ignore mineo's feelings on the matter than most.]
[ . . . . the apology doesn't sit right with him. it's uncomfortable, and doesn't really align with everything else that mineo wants to say or feel. so instead he just manages to eat some more of his food, quietly, and then he'll just move so he can stand next to white and -
lean against him lightly. physical contact where their sides align, even as mineo focuses mostly on the ramen.]
.... I don't deserve you, you know. You'll argue with me, but I'm pretty sure.
[there's affection and care, even with the complicated... everything else.]
Thanks. For caring about me as much as you do.
[he gets it - he does. he knows exactly why white is so defensive and protective of him and... even if the way that it's executed might not align with mineo's ideals, he really does find the sentiments touching.
it's just up to him to make sure that those sentiments don't kill anyone]
[he can't stop the bit of warmth that spreads through him at the contact, even if he does his best to kill it off before it gets too obvious.
at least the embarrassment that follows, with mineo's words, helps to cover it up. as he focuses on trying to pick up the noodles with his chopsticks—]
... Yeah, you're right. I do disagree with that. Idiot.
[it's probably a little bad - how even though white's calling him an idiot, he has to look off to the side briefly to try to shut down the soft laugh that escapes him. it doesn't really work. there's so many notes of fondness and warmth that it's hard to smother.
appreciation, gratitude - that even now, white hasn't decided to change his mind about how vehemently he argues with mineo about his own worth.
. . . . he bumps against white's side a little bit more]
.... am I allowed to kiss you without things getting too weird?
Or - would that be... too much? With everything...
[a bit of petty indignation bursts at the smothered laugh—he can feel that, asshole—as he scratches at his cheek... not that it helps, when mineo speaks and white promptly turns red.
the surprise is clear. he'd always assumed that their kiss weeks ago would be the one and only time, with the justification of "indulgence". then, never to be brought up again.]
W-Where is this coming from...? But, uh... I wouldn't exactly mind...
[he doesn't know where he and mineo stand, or if it matters at all, but it's not like he'd be opposed to kissing the person he likes?]
[ . . . . he flusters a little bit at that, because even if he's the one who suggested it, now that he got a semi-affirmative answer it's not like he can really push aside the nerves? wow he's nervous. but he's just going to put aside his bowl like that'll buy him some time and he just mumbles a little uncertainly.]
I just - wanted to...? [so he asked.... but he's just frowning] There's only a week left here and we don't... even know what's gonna happen after...
[they had plenty of talks about how they're probably going to go back home if they get their wishes and just. they have their own stuff. they really do.]
... I still can't promise anything and it's really lame of me. I'm sorry -
[ . . . . ]
But I wanted to ask, instead of regretting it later. Is that okay?
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... have you considered that I wouldn't want that?
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... I'm aware.
[there's a flicker of hesitation, before it simmers in guilt until white shoves it all down.
he's never thought once, since it became relevant, that mineo would want that. but, in the end, white's on wrath for a reason.]
So like I said—consider that an incentive to try and live. People got talked down once, so just... do it again.
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.... I'm going to live. I'm okay, and I'm right here. You don't need to be concerned about that.
[ . . . . ]
Let's make sure it doesn't happen. But... I know how hard it can be to control your feelings after losing someone you care about. I just... thought I'd say something.
[even if it makes him a hypocrite]
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... then again, maybe he has nothing to fear. after all, even if he and mineo survive to the end, that'll still be it for the both of them, as dead men walking. in that regard, white already knows that this will all disappear sooner or later.
he stares down at his bowl.]
... Mm-hmm.
[a note of apology, because while he doesn't say that he would actually stand down if mineo truly asked him to, this is one area where he's more willing to ignore mineo's feelings on the matter than most.]
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lean against him lightly. physical contact where their sides align, even as mineo focuses mostly on the ramen.]
.... I don't deserve you, you know. You'll argue with me, but I'm pretty sure.
[there's affection and care, even with the complicated... everything else.]
Thanks. For caring about me as much as you do.
[he gets it - he does. he knows exactly why white is so defensive and protective of him and... even if the way that it's executed might not align with mineo's ideals, he really does find the sentiments touching.
it's just up to him to make sure that those sentiments don't kill anyone]
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at least the embarrassment that follows, with mineo's words, helps to cover it up. as he focuses on trying to pick up the noodles with his chopsticks—]
... Yeah, you're right. I do disagree with that. Idiot.
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appreciation, gratitude - that even now, white hasn't decided to change his mind about how vehemently he argues with mineo about his own worth.
. . . . he bumps against white's side a little bit more]
.... am I allowed to kiss you without things getting too weird?
Or - would that be... too much? With everything...
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the surprise is clear. he'd always assumed that their kiss weeks ago would be the one and only time, with the justification of "indulgence". then, never to be brought up again.]
W-Where is this coming from...? But, uh... I wouldn't exactly mind...
[he doesn't know where he and mineo stand, or if it matters at all, but it's not like he'd be opposed to kissing the person he likes?]
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I just - wanted to...? [so he asked.... but he's just frowning] There's only a week left here and we don't... even know what's gonna happen after...
[they had plenty of talks about how they're probably going to go back home if they get their wishes and just. they have their own stuff. they really do.]
... I still can't promise anything and it's really lame of me. I'm sorry -
[ . . . . ]
But I wanted to ask, instead of regretting it later. Is that okay?
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Geez, why are you like this...? I already told you I don't need an answer. And stop apologizing, idiot.
What happened to all of your resolve earlier, huh?
is white acting confident to try and hide how flustered he is? maybe.]
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I - how can I have resolve about this?! I'm trying to be really careful, you know?! But stuff here gets so complicated...
[this is the worst]
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Stop being so careful for once! If you don't do something in five seconds, I'll do it!
[internal screaming]
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Y-You will....?!
[he's like
not not down]
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W-Why is this surprising!?
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gay chicken?]
Because you've never asked or suggested you wanted to?!
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'Cause I thought it'd be weird for you or some shit!
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Why would it be weird? I said it's fine... [he's just math ladying this now] I'm doing everything out of order here anyway....
If I was going to be hooking up with people, I'd at least prefer it to be someone I like and trust? Did I not make that clear enough...
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S-Sorry....
[for not... making that clear...]
—I was getting worried about you and your indulgences until you got the scroll, you know?!
[he really was going to suggest making out if that'd help white get his wish????]
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[STOP HE'S JUST GETTING MORE FLUSTERED]
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[NOW HE'S GETTING EMBARRASSED MORE, THIS IS JUST A VERY EMBARRASSED FEEDBACK LOOP]
What was I supposed to do?! Just sit around and accept that you weren't indulging enough to get your wish that you really, really need?!
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as he just slowly sinks to a crouch on the floor.]
Ugh...
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.... was this a bad suggestion....
[it took them both out. now he's overheating]
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[phew. okay. breathe out. anyway, he's getting back up now.]
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he's still quietly vibrating with nervousness but he is giving white a moment]
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