[just. he's also embarrassed and he's just gonna go ahead and place his cool water bottle against his neck like it'll try to get him to be less embarrassed? oh god oh jesus oh fuck.]
.... we can't... really... do that kind of thing here... Not in a way that wouldn't - you know, make it harder for either of us to win. And... I need you to win, White. I need it even more than I want to... [acknowledge his feelings.
wow! why is his heart beating quicker. oh embarrassing. now he's getting flustered and wishing this water bottle was colder.]
.... so it's - [ . . . ] I can't... really say - yeah or no? [help] Not right now, anyway. Uh.
[HELP]
But I don't want you to think I don't care about you or anything, or that I'm like... [he glances away] unhappy you said something... or whatever.
well, it's still basically a no? maybe? what meaning does "not right now" have, when there is no guarantee of a future in this place? but it's nothing worse than what white thought might happen. it's a relief, in some ways, to rip off the bandaid.]
I know. Like I said, I—I wasn't expecting anything. You need to win, too.
[and white doesn't intend to be the one to slow him down.]
he'll at least reach out to hold onto white's hand at that, expression a little - well, confused still like he's trying to work through the information but.]
.... yeah. It sucks. Being here makes things really complicated even though I wish that some things were simple.
[he'd always thought that love and feelings would be one of those things but - he can't really afford to really think about those things here. it's not safe, or sensible. not when this is apparently a race and being held back by those things will make it more difficult.]
.... let's -
Make it to the end, and then talk about it, alright? That's what some people do, right? Take a while to define the relationship?
[he lets mineo take his hand, though he still looks as though he'd rather! be anywhere but here right now!
despite what mineo's said, he can't help but feel like it'd be better if he kept his mouth shut—to tell mineo to just forget he said anything. it'd be simpler for mineo if he didn't have to think about this, after all. white's the idiot who couldn't keep his focus on the goal.
[ . . . . there are things that make this way more complicated than it has to be, he thinks. it makes him feel a little awkward, and he doesn't know how much of it is worth explaining, and how much to leave behind. so instead he just - laughs a little. an embarrassed but not displeased noise.
he gives white's hand a squeeze.]
... but I don't hate it. There's no way I could hate it.
oh. well, now white's back to feeling awkward as he remembers that yeah, mineo SURE SAID A LOT OF THINGS THAT WERE KILLING HIM INSIDE.]
Don't remind me!
[he might not have ever planned on telling mineo, let alone expected anything to come out of it, but there is still something horrendous about your crush cluelessly telling you for your own good to go after other people?? and then also naming specific people???]
[he covers his face with his free hand as his brain cooks over in embarrassment he already didn't look like he was in good shape today and now it's just getting worse]
[after which he covers his face with his hand as if this will hide how flustered he is and as if mineo?? doesn't already know????]
W-Whatever! I can separate my feelings from the job and stuff, but—do whatever you want! Shit, now you're rubbing off onto me!
[NOW HE CAN'T STOP HIS SENTENCE!! AND THAT WAS MAYBE INCREDIBLY UNCONVINCING although white is fairly confident that, like, it won't suddenly cause everything to spiral out of control, given that he's not going to decide that never mind, he doesn't respect mineo's non-answer after all! (if anything, the more likely outcome is mineo deciding that yeah, he's really not into this, gonna reject him on the spot now?)
but there is no way not to respond to this awkwardly aaaaaaaaah]
[he is just. going to plant his hands on white's shoulders and steer him out of the kitchen because this is literally the worst place to talk about possible kissing or not kissing
he's probably steering white to his room?? yea. endorsi and mahito are hopefully not home it's fine.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[just. he's also embarrassed and he's just gonna go ahead and place his cool water bottle against his neck like it'll try to get him to be less embarrassed? oh god oh jesus oh fuck.]
.... we can't... really... do that kind of thing here... Not in a way that wouldn't - you know, make it harder for either of us to win. And... I need you to win, White. I need it even more than I want to... [acknowledge his feelings.
wow! why is his heart beating quicker. oh embarrassing. now he's getting flustered and wishing this water bottle was colder.]
.... so it's - [ . . . ] I can't... really say - yeah or no? [help] Not right now, anyway. Uh.
[HELP]
But I don't want you to think I don't care about you or anything, or that I'm like... [he glances away] unhappy you said something... or whatever.
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well, it's still basically a no? maybe? what meaning does "not right now" have, when there is no guarantee of a future in this place? but it's nothing worse than what white thought might happen. it's a relief, in some ways, to rip off the bandaid.]
I know. Like I said, I—I wasn't expecting anything. You need to win, too.
[and white doesn't intend to be the one to slow him down.]
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he'll at least reach out to hold onto white's hand at that, expression a little - well, confused still like he's trying to work through the information but.]
.... yeah. It sucks. Being here makes things really complicated even though I wish that some things were simple.
[he'd always thought that love and feelings would be one of those things but - he can't really afford to really think about those things here. it's not safe, or sensible. not when this is apparently a race and being held back by those things will make it more difficult.]
.... let's -
Make it to the end, and then talk about it, alright? That's what some people do, right? Take a while to define the relationship?
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despite what mineo's said, he can't help but feel like it'd be better if he kept his mouth shut—to tell mineo to just forget he said anything. it'd be simpler for mineo if he didn't have to think about this, after all. white's the idiot who couldn't keep his focus on the goal.
but he knows better than to say that out loud.
...
instead, he manages a wry smile.]
... Talking like an expert now? Geez.
[1/2]
[THE SELF-DUNK
BUT IT'S TRUE!!!!! HE NEVER THOUGHT HE'D GET CONFESSED TO FIRST.]
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he gives white's hand a squeeze.]
... but I don't hate it. There's no way I could hate it.
I really hope you don't either.
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not quite meeting his eyes (yet again)—]
... You're an idiot.
[1/2]
[like this idiot!]
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wow!
he can't say that out loud he's getting embarrassed now!!!
aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
..... a-anyway!!
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white blinks, before letting out a half-laugh.]
You okay there?
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DON'T TURN THIS AROUND ON HIM]
F-Fine....!!
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he turns his head to the side so that he can snicker.]
What are you getting embarrassed for?
[wow, it's nice not to be the flustered one here (though that's mainly because in his amusement, he's temporarily forgotten about the hand-holding).]
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I'm not embarrassed! [he is]
There's nothing to be embarrassed about...!! It's better if we talked about it, you know?! I'm realizing I said some pretty weird things to you....
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oh. well, now white's back to feeling awkward as he remembers that yeah, mineo SURE SAID A LOT OF THINGS THAT WERE KILLING HIM INSIDE.]
Don't remind me!
[he might not have ever planned on telling mineo, let alone expected anything to come out of it, but there is still something horrendous about your crush cluelessly telling you for your own good to go after other people?? and then also naming specific people???]
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[HE FEELS BAD ABOUT IT NOW BUT HIS TSUNDERE IS VERY RUSTY HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHITE WAS INTO HIM
idk everyone else realized but]
Would it - make it weirder if—
[
Hmmmmmmm.
HMMMMMMM HE'S TURNING MORE RED HOW DOES HE TAKE BACK THE FIRST PART OF A SENTENCE]
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HE'S NOT A MIND READER, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE REST OF THAT SENTENCE WAS GONNA BE, MINEO]
[1/4??? i think]
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If.....
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Isn't that too much? Is it weird? I feel like it could be weird. Should I even ask? I don't want to make him feel awkward.
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If you still needed to kiss for indulgence or whatever!!
[oh my god]
But I know it could be a bad idea and just make things more complicated but I already started the sentence and now I can't stop!!
[1/3]
OH. OH. well, if the forehead kiss flustered white, this is DEFINITELY making him turn red aaaaaaaaaaaah]
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AND SHOVES MINEO AWAY]
Y-You— [and then he remembers they're in a public space and he does not want to attract attention] —idiot!
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W-Whatever! I can separate my feelings from the job and stuff, but—do whatever you want! Shit, now you're rubbing off onto me!
[NOW HE CAN'T STOP HIS SENTENCE!! AND THAT WAS MAYBE INCREDIBLY UNCONVINCING although white is fairly confident that, like, it won't suddenly cause everything to spiral out of control, given that he's not going to decide that never mind, he doesn't respect mineo's non-answer after all! (if anything, the more likely outcome is mineo deciding that yeah, he's really not into this, gonna reject him on the spot now?)
but there is no way not to respond to this awkwardly aaaaaaaaah]
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We're not having this conversation here.
[he is just. going to plant his hands on white's shoulders and steer him out of the kitchen because this is literally the worst place to talk about possible kissing or not kissing
he's probably steering white to his room?? yea. endorsi and mahito are hopefully not home it's fine.]
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but white will follow mineo out of the kitchen because. yeah. hm.]
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