But I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.... [ . . . ] I told you, right? About the guy I admired... and how he kept stuff from me.
I don't want to be blind to anyone I care about anymore, if I can help it.
he sighs, placing his book under his arm so he can shove his hands into his pockets.]
I hate this rule.
[granted, it'd be easier if he was a better liar. then they wouldn't be in this situation, and he could've done something simple like tell someone they're friends. but they've reached this point, and the last thing white wants is for mineo to have more to fret over.
he stares at the floor, unable to stop his face from turning red even as he tries to soothe his nerves. someone kill him now. mineo is, unsurprisingly, correct: he's always awkward when it comes to sincerity and feelings.]
... I like you. And not exactly in the way you keep saying it, either.
[god, is that enough? he hopes it is. he doesn't want to have get more detailed than that for mineo to get it.]
You don't have to answer—I'm not expecting one. I don't want anything from you.
[he's fairly certain it's one-sided, and honestly? he's fine with that.]
[and then he also turns red? hello? he points at himself - his messy, kinda sick, pathetic self - and the confusion on his face is clear to see if only because he never thought for a second that white actually held sincere feelings for him like that.]
[he glances up from the ground to look at mineo, flushing harder. all things considered, with what he knows of mineo, this reaction isn't all that surprising, but still.]
now he's the one turning red. admittedly he never thought he'd get confessed to at all, so this is a surprise in about a thousand different ways. he looks like he's processing it - with difficulty - as his face just keeps getting more warm]
—You....
[what does he even want to say here]
.... We.... have to talk about this, don't we?
[almost like he's parroting someone else's words but - they do have to unpack this, right? he at least hops down from the kitchen counter then, letting his knuckles tap against white's shoulder.]
.... why'd you feel like I wouldn't want to hear it...?
[he just stares at him, still looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here. sir, do not come here (showing off your new hickeys too, because if dana won't say it then i will) and ask him why he did not want to confess at all. if he didn't think mineo would take it weirdly, he'd have just left after saying this much already?
still, he tries to come off as deadpan, and not as horribly awkward as he feels.]
What's there to talk about? Aren't you straight, or something?
[or, at the very least, not into white because he feels like that much has been made clear over the course of the last week. he'd almost be offended if he wasn't used to being unpopular and also if he wasn't content with just having these feelings.]
[STOP MAYBE THE NEW HICKEYS ARE HIDDEN A LITTLE BETTER but he just looks a little uncertain at that, flustering at the question. who hasn't thought too hard about his sexuality, it's enomoto mineo he's just deeply het-leaning because that's what otome canons demand]
Uh - I don't really think about it? I mean, girls are cute, but love's love and all....
[don't label him when he's not even sure what's going on!!]
I just - uh. Didn't realize... So when you....
[followed after him? came to check on him? got all flustered about people saying they were flirting or that they had a date? ah. uh. um.]
[white shouldn't actually be saying this when he also presumed himself to be het until he realized that maybe he's actually a little pan, congrats to him for having this revelation a hundred years earlier than he does in canon? but he does anyway because he is desperately trying to deflect away from the subject of his feelings?
mineo wasn't wrong to think white gets flustered in general; however, he definitely was screaming more than he might've otherwise because everyone was right... on the money...]
... A-Anyway, good talk! Can I go now?
[why can't mineo just reject him instead of making him stand around here discussing this further!!]
[just. he's also embarrassed and he's just gonna go ahead and place his cool water bottle against his neck like it'll try to get him to be less embarrassed? oh god oh jesus oh fuck.]
.... we can't... really... do that kind of thing here... Not in a way that wouldn't - you know, make it harder for either of us to win. And... I need you to win, White. I need it even more than I want to... [acknowledge his feelings.
wow! why is his heart beating quicker. oh embarrassing. now he's getting flustered and wishing this water bottle was colder.]
.... so it's - [ . . . ] I can't... really say - yeah or no? [help] Not right now, anyway. Uh.
[HELP]
But I don't want you to think I don't care about you or anything, or that I'm like... [he glances away] unhappy you said something... or whatever.
well, it's still basically a no? maybe? what meaning does "not right now" have, when there is no guarantee of a future in this place? but it's nothing worse than what white thought might happen. it's a relief, in some ways, to rip off the bandaid.]
I know. Like I said, I—I wasn't expecting anything. You need to win, too.
[and white doesn't intend to be the one to slow him down.]
he'll at least reach out to hold onto white's hand at that, expression a little - well, confused still like he's trying to work through the information but.]
.... yeah. It sucks. Being here makes things really complicated even though I wish that some things were simple.
[he'd always thought that love and feelings would be one of those things but - he can't really afford to really think about those things here. it's not safe, or sensible. not when this is apparently a race and being held back by those things will make it more difficult.]
.... let's -
Make it to the end, and then talk about it, alright? That's what some people do, right? Take a while to define the relationship?
[he lets mineo take his hand, though he still looks as though he'd rather! be anywhere but here right now!
despite what mineo's said, he can't help but feel like it'd be better if he kept his mouth shut—to tell mineo to just forget he said anything. it'd be simpler for mineo if he didn't have to think about this, after all. white's the idiot who couldn't keep his focus on the goal.
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he just shrugs.]
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Well, if you wanna confess something to me, I'll keep it a secret?
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he goes still.]
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White....?
[i forgot he's dropping the honorific now just assume that's been the case]
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You won't want to hear it.
wow 1k
.... I wanna know anything you want to tell me.
Don't doubt that, yeah?
1k................
... Pretty sure there are a few exceptions.
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[his expression gets a little more concerned]
You're just gonna make me worried, man. Is everything okay?
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[but he still looks concerned]
But I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.... [ . . . ] I told you, right? About the guy I admired... and how he kept stuff from me.
I don't want to be blind to anyone I care about anymore, if I can help it.
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he sighs, placing his book under his arm so he can shove his hands into his pockets.]
I hate this rule.
[granted, it'd be easier if he was a better liar. then they wouldn't be in this situation, and he could've done something simple like tell someone they're friends. but they've reached this point, and the last thing white wants is for mineo to have more to fret over.
he stares at the floor, unable to stop his face from turning red even as he tries to soothe his nerves. someone kill him now. mineo is, unsurprisingly, correct: he's always awkward when it comes to sincerity and feelings.]
... I like you. And not exactly in the way you keep saying it, either.
[god, is that enough? he hopes it is. he doesn't want to have get more detailed than that for mineo to get it.]
You don't have to answer—I'm not expecting one. I don't want anything from you.
[he's fairly certain it's one-sided, and honestly? he's fine with that.]
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he pauses and it dribbles out of his mouth a little because he forgot to drink.
that is how intensely off-guard this has caught him.]
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You—
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Me.....?!
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Do you see anyone else in the room right now!?
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[oh my god.
now he's the one turning red. admittedly he never thought he'd get confessed to at all, so this is a surprise in about a thousand different ways. he looks like he's processing it - with difficulty - as his face just keeps getting more warm]
—You....
[what does he even want to say here]
.... We.... have to talk about this, don't we?
[almost like he's parroting someone else's words but - they do have to unpack this, right? he at least hops down from the kitchen counter then, letting his knuckles tap against white's shoulder.]
.... why'd you feel like I wouldn't want to hear it...?
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still, he tries to come off as deadpan, and not as horribly awkward as he feels.]
What's there to talk about? Aren't you straight, or something?
[or, at the very least, not into white because he feels like that much has been made clear over the course of the last week. he'd almost be offended if he wasn't used to being unpopular and also if he wasn't content with just having these feelings.]
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Uh - I don't really think about it? I mean, girls are cute, but love's love and all....
[don't label him when he's not even sure what's going on!!]
I just - uh. Didn't realize... So when you....
[followed after him? came to check on him? got all flustered about people saying they were flirting or that they had a date? ah. uh. um.]
.... I'm really stupid, huh.
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mineo wasn't wrong to think white gets flustered in general; however, he definitely was screaming more than he might've otherwise because everyone was right... on the money...]
... A-Anyway, good talk! Can I go now?
[why can't mineo just reject him instead of making him stand around here discussing this further!!]
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And why you played it cooler with Wrath-san than with me....?!
[EVERYTHING IS CLICKING TOGETHER AND HE'S REALIZING HE'S VERY, VERY STUPID]
No!! We really have to talk about this!
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Ugh... I already said you didn't have to...
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[just. he's also embarrassed and he's just gonna go ahead and place his cool water bottle against his neck like it'll try to get him to be less embarrassed? oh god oh jesus oh fuck.]
.... we can't... really... do that kind of thing here... Not in a way that wouldn't - you know, make it harder for either of us to win. And... I need you to win, White. I need it even more than I want to... [acknowledge his feelings.
wow! why is his heart beating quicker. oh embarrassing. now he's getting flustered and wishing this water bottle was colder.]
.... so it's - [ . . . ] I can't... really say - yeah or no? [help] Not right now, anyway. Uh.
[HELP]
But I don't want you to think I don't care about you or anything, or that I'm like... [he glances away] unhappy you said something... or whatever.
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well, it's still basically a no? maybe? what meaning does "not right now" have, when there is no guarantee of a future in this place? but it's nothing worse than what white thought might happen. it's a relief, in some ways, to rip off the bandaid.]
I know. Like I said, I—I wasn't expecting anything. You need to win, too.
[and white doesn't intend to be the one to slow him down.]
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he'll at least reach out to hold onto white's hand at that, expression a little - well, confused still like he's trying to work through the information but.]
.... yeah. It sucks. Being here makes things really complicated even though I wish that some things were simple.
[he'd always thought that love and feelings would be one of those things but - he can't really afford to really think about those things here. it's not safe, or sensible. not when this is apparently a race and being held back by those things will make it more difficult.]
.... let's -
Make it to the end, and then talk about it, alright? That's what some people do, right? Take a while to define the relationship?
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despite what mineo's said, he can't help but feel like it'd be better if he kept his mouth shut—to tell mineo to just forget he said anything. it'd be simpler for mineo if he didn't have to think about this, after all. white's the idiot who couldn't keep his focus on the goal.
but he knows better than to say that out loud.
...
instead, he manages a wry smile.]
... Talking like an expert now? Geez.
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